


Umbrella Academy meet... whatever the fuck this is

by astrqid



Series: Zeph is in some deep shit [2]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV), Hamilton - Miranda, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Banter, But they exist here, Characters React to Fandom, Crack premise, F/M, Gen, I will literally not tag all the sibling tags for the hargreeves, Pop Culture, Sorry Not Sorry, react to Hamilton, react to Umbrella academy season 2
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:28:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25728967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrqid/pseuds/astrqid
Summary: A canon divergence from part 1 of this series and of UA season 1; this will make more sense if you read up to Chapter 9 of part 1.After season 1 of UA, Five mistakenly jumps into a universe where witches and wizards exist. Where they bring the GoT characters into their world, and then make them react to Hamilton and various other things. I suck at summaries alright, sue me.
Relationships: Robb Stark/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Zeph is in some deep shit [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1866208
Kudos: 4





	Umbrella Academy meet... whatever the fuck this is

**Author's Note:**

> I regret nothing.

**Five’s POV**

Time Traveling to 2019 by himself? Piece of cake compared to the shitshow that was taking his siblings back in time. He’d never admit it out loud but he _almost_ , and he meant _almost_ by the way if you didn't understand the first time, kind of, maybe felt like he couldn’t do it. 

As he powered through, he saw the makings of the inside of a mansion; whether it was delusion or hope, he didn’t know, but he believed it to be their _home_ . It gave him the motivation to push through, to keep going. _This is for your family, for the world_ he told himself.

With a pop, he found himself and thankfully all his siblings in one piece. The only thing was, he hadn’t landed at the Academy… no- he landed in someone else’s home! Fuck!

He let out a low growl, frustrated that now they had to fumble their way through an “explanation” with simple minded civilians. They had to coordinate a story somehow, make it sound real, but his family was _not_ good with coordination. He shook his head, already tsking at himself. It really was his fault, but if they were in his shoes, they wouldn’t do any better.

He’d rage later, family first. “Is everyone okay.” He looked around to see his siblings scattered across a marble floor, it looked freshly waxed… Odd that he noticed that and not the group of young adults gaping at them on some couches first. Was that a woman in a late 18th century dress?

Huh. 

A rather annoying voice took him out of his thoughts. Of course Klaus had to answer first, “Define okay?”

“Get up, get up all of you. God, you’re all pathetic,” he watched them whine and groan, “We have guests,” he urged. That really got their attention, well, most of theirs. Klaus will be Klaus.

  
“Five?” the young woman in the blood red dress whispered. She jumped up and onto her feet. “What the fuck!”

“Ah shit, how did you recognize me?” he studied her. Why was she wearing historical clothing? Ignoring the fact that she was black with purple hair, “Do you work for the commission? Huh, answer me!”

She looked quite astonished, “Bro… in my world, you’re a TV character-”

“-Am I one too?” 

“Shut up Klaus,” Five glanced back to see Klaus and the rest of his siblings, minus Vanya, watching with rapt attention.

“Did I do this?” She muttered, looking quite gleeful at the possibility. Disgusting.

He rolled his eyes, “Of course not, how could you-”

She glared at him, “I'm a witch.” She took a deep breath and paused, “You know, you’re so much more insufferable in real life.”

“Yo, I like her,” he watched Diego give her a nod of approval and she had the gull to send one back.

He tried to calm himself, but it was getting tricky. “So?”

“So,” she mocked, “I brought _them_ all here.” He looked around at the people she was gesturing to, all of them looked... quite out of the loop. “What’s stopping me from thinking _I_ brought you here too.”

He cracked his neck in anger, “If so… then you’re the one responsible for pulling me into an alternate dimension!” He stalked towards her before he felt an arm stop him in the process. 

“Woah now, Five. Don’t get ahead of yourself.” Luther gave Five a look that said _play along_.

He heard the witch chuckle, then he saw her roll her eyes.

“She knows everything about us, you idiot. She can’t be so easily fooled,” he violently shook Luther’s apeish arm away from him. “And weren't you holding Vanya?”

They both craned their necks to see Vanya sprawled inelegantly on the floor, _still_ unconscious. 

Both their heads snapped to Diego as he so impulsively asked, “Hey, prove it.”

“Prove what?” a smile growing on her stupid face.

“Prove you’re a witch.”

She shrugged, “Seems reasonable.” she began to walk around the couch.

“Woah woah woah, what’re you doing?”

“Proving that I’m a witch,” she said like it was the most obvious thing in the world, which... It kind of was looking back at it.

“And what exactly are you going to do?” He asked shrewdly.

She smirked, “Heal your sister's throat of course,” and she began walking up to Allison, although her kind smile did make him a bit hesitant. But if there was anything he knew, it was to not trust strangers.

He popped right in front of her, his sock covered knees rubbing ever so slightly on the fabric of her poofy red dress. He could hear a couple gasps from the couch. Her gaze, however, was unwavering and instead morphed from kindness to amusement as she stared him down. She was quite a short little thing, eye level to him unfortunately, but he could take her if need be.

“Oh yeah, I definitely like her.” He ignored Diego.

“How do I know you won’t hurt her?” he questioned, eyebrow raised.

She raised one back, “There's seven of you and one of me.”

“Seven?” He glanced back where he could see Luther looking at the witch oddly. Shit.

“Ben is here, can’t see him of course, but he probably made it here,” she peered around him, “Isn’t that right, Klaus.”

“Well, yeah,” he chuckled crazily. He looked to the side, “It’s your lucky day, I guess. You’ve finally been acknowledged.” 

There was a pause before, “Hey!” Klaus looked offended. Five rolled his eyes at his antics. He returned his attention back to the witch.

“And you know this because we’re characters in this Dimension?”

“Correctomundo.”

“Great. Just great.”

“Mhm, lemme just fix your sister’s throat real quick and we can continue this _amazing_ conversation.”

“Hey, you know what? I like her too,” Klaus said, which made Diego nod in happy agreement. Five rolled his eyes _again_ .  
  


_These idiots._

Before he could rebuke the witch, Luther stepped in, “Let her try.”

“Don’t let love cloud your judgement, Luther, she could be dangero...” But the shake of Luther’s head made his words fade off into silence. Luther gave her an encouraging nod.

She gave them a look of reassurance before calmly walking up to his sister, “This won't hurt, I promise.” Strangely, while Allison _did_ seem apprehensive, she looked calmer than she should.

The witch took out what seemed to be a wand and he snorted, but she had the _audacity_ to turn back and wink. He was fuming, however, he quickly mellowed as she said a couple words in what sounded like Latin. He watched as the bandage was removed and the cut slowly turned into a scar. Allison’s eyes were wide as she let out a raspy, “Thank you.”

The witch smiled, “No problem.”

“Wow, well wouldya look at that, not much of a threat, huh Five?”

“Shut up, Diego.”

“Thank you-” Luther paused, “We never got your name-”

“-that’s because we didn’t ask-”

“-its Zephryna Reyna Smith, but you can call me Zeph.” Cocky bitch.

“And the audience?” Five gestured to the crowd.

“I actually haven’t gotten all their names, been meaning to do that,” her eyebrows furrowed.

He shook his head, “You’re telling me you let these people watch TV in your house and you don't even know all their names.”

“Hey! It's my fault they're all here and… we just haven’t gotten around to it.”

“Who’s _we_?”

A tall, tan asian man stood up, “Meet Ken… he’s a wizard.”

“Neat,” Klaus so eloquently added.

He studied the man. Despite being tall and muscular, Five didn’t deem him a threat, not as much as the woman before him.

“Next thing you’re gonna tell me is that _Harry Potter_ exists in this world-”

She raised her brow, “-He’s a _character_ in your world?”

“Of course.”

“Sick.” she gasped, “I must be one too!”

“And you’re happy about that?!”

“Well, yeah. I got a legacy or whatever, anyways-”

“-Anyways,” he stressed, “We have to get back home.”

She seemed to realize the answer at the same time he was about to explain, leading them to both say, “Vanya.”

“Shit, you’re right,” she looked a bit panicked before she smirked, “Need help? Cause I've got a nifty little spell that needs an incy wincy bit of fine tuning for just the solution.”

“Oh?”

“Oh.”

“Might I add,” Klaus slinked his way towards the couches, “you look familiar… did you happen to die at a wedding?” He gestured to an Auburn haired man that had a horrified look on his face.

“Now that you mention it,” Diego muttered.

“Klaus!” Luther shouted, “ _Rude_... you gotta ease him into it-”

“-oh shut up Luther.” Allison graveled, but gave Luther an exasperated roll of the eyes.

“Wait, you recognize him?” The witch exclaimed.

They all seemed to look at each other a bit, “So, _we’re_ characters too… but in _your_ world?” The auburn haired man asked slowly.

Five sighed, “It seems.”

“So what are we in, exactly?” Asked a little brown haired girl who eyed him like he was fresh manure.

It looked like it pained her to say it, but Allison replied, “Only _the_ series of the 21st century-”

Many of them seemed taken aback by that, “You’re in your _21st_ century?” choked a rather fat man with pale eyes.

“Not quite-” Five corrected.

“-I was supposed to ease them into that,” the witch hissed.

“Yeah well, too late.”  
  


“Is it like Hamilton?-”

Hamilton? The first treasury secretary of state?

“-Do we sing and dance?” The little girl asked again.

“Hamilton, why would she mention Hamilton?” Allison directed her question to the witch.

“That’s because we were just watching it, hence,” she gestured to her outfit. 

_Ah_ . Well, that explained one thing. Still, they made a show about _Hamilton_. Earth had really gone to shit ever since he left.

“No it's not like Hamilton, that’s a play-”

“-musical-” Klaus interrupted.

‘-Game of Thrones is a television series.” Diego answered. Being stuck in the apocalypse, then time traveling 16 years into the future really diminished his already lacking knowledge on pop culture, something his siblings probably fried their brains on.

“What’s the difference?” She asked ignorantly.

“Ugh, this is frustrating already-” Diego started.

“-Hey!-”

“Did you have to do this all day?” 

“Yeah,” she smiled tiredly. “But it’s a small price to pay for the damage I’ve done by misplacing them here.”

He saw the redhead make “subtle” gooey, love eyes at her as she spoke… he could _definitely_ use that to his advantage if need be…

There was a large silence before it was interrupted by one particularly pesky witch. One who was proving to be less of a threat.

The witch walked to the couch to plop herself in between the platinum blonde and the wizard, “Welp, Imma finish Hamilton before I get started on that spell. I'm not changing my mind, I need a break-”  
  


“-don’t we all, honey,” Klaus moaned walking up to the couch and squeezing himself in between the witch and the wizard. When the witch scooted closer to the blonde to make room, Klaus apologized halfheartedly, “My bad.”

He quickly turned his attention to the person on his other side, “Well, how are _you_ on this fine…” he checked the nearest window, ”day?” He made eyes at the Wizard. 

Five rolled his eyes. _Imbecile,_ did he not see the wedding band on his left hand?

“Flattered, but married,” the wizard shrugged.

“Shit.”

“Huh,” voiced the auburn redhead, obviously embarrassed that he had done so.

“You like men?” blurted out a long, brown haired man.

“Men. Women. What’s the difference?” he chuckled, “I guess _that_ , but think outside of that tiny little box you’ve made for yourself.”

“Uh, who’s he talking to?” Asked, if he had to guess, the redhead’s little brother.

“Our dead brother, Ben,” he answered bluntly. He was met with the horrified stares of just about every single one of those TV character fuckers.

“What?” he looked around, even his siblings looked mortified. Pathetic.

“You remind me of our Father, less sane of course,” spoke a tan, dark eyed woman with a spanish accent, reminiscently.

“Why, thank you.” Klaus preened.

He needed to change the subject, everyone was forgetting that they needed to get _home_ . “So we’re all supposed to what? Sit here and watch _Hamilton_ with you?” Five scoffed.

“Yep,” she answered and he gaped. That was followed by the betrayal of _each and every one_ of his siblings- well he couldn’t see Ben, but he was probably with Klaus and Vanya was still on the ground… so... most of his siblings.

Diego had started off the chain by nonchalantly saying, “Yeah, I'm down with that.” He sat down on the empty couch. God, this place was _huge_.

Luther followed by shrugging, “So long as we get back home right?”

And of course Allison followed shortly after but said nothing, probably still uncomfortable with the act of speaking. She stopped and looked back, signaling him to the body on the floor. Vanya had started to twitch.

Five coughed, “Aren’t you forgetting someone?” He popped right next to her as he heard the lame excuses being said by his brothers. He rolled his eyes.

“Vanya, hey, you okay?” He tried in his best “soothing” voice, which was probably not very good, by the way.

She groaned, “Where-” she started but she couldn’t finish.

He sighed, “Okay, let me explain-”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment down below?


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